The love drunk water babies.

I was on my way home from work. Tired having faced a day of serving customers and being "as helpful as possible" with my eager beaver smile on, travelling home during evening rush hour was not where I wanted to be. I did what any Londoner would do; get a book out and shove my face in it.
The train stopped at London Bridge - and half of the world's population poured into my carriage.
Then someone sat opposite me and really bashed my knee with what felt like Fred Flintstone's club so obviously I looked up in anger.
It was one half of a love-drunk couple. They had to be in their mid-to-late thirties, were tightly clutching each other's paws, thighs and had the dreaded "I'm so in love" glint their eyes.
Now, I quite like fashion and beauty, so I always observe what people wear and how their make-up is done. However, that evening I didn't fancy getting tips on how to look like I'd been violently attacked by Crayola.
The train left London Bridge and trundled its way to south London. Amidst the general chatter and clanging of the train wheels on the tracks, I kept hearing this weird giggle and murmuring:
"Oh darling *insert giggles* not here!"
"But why? It's ok, no one's looking!"
Frankly, it was irritating so I looked up with my angry face and quickly located the source.
To no surprise, it was the love drunk water babies giving each other some serious PDAs (public display of affection for those not in the know).
For a split second I felt like my grandma and phrases of hers flashed through my mind: "Have you no shame?" "Behave yourself!" "Such shameless people" (these are rough translations from Punjabi to English).
It got worse. The love drunk water babies proceeded to stroke each other in places and "affectionately" caress each other's faces. Now this display was enhanced with some of the world's cheesiest and cliched sentences.
"Darling, oh you're so radiant!"
"No, it's only because I'm with you!"
You get the picture. I wanted to laugh so badly - I'm one of those people with a REALLY loud laugh so holding that back is a miracle. I tried biting my tongue, pressing my hand on my lips to smother the snorts, looking out of the window - nothing worked. As soon as I calmed down, the bloke came out and said in the creepiest, slimiest voice: "It's all in the eyes baby."
This was too much; a burst of laughter escaped and as they looked at me in shock I said: "Really funny book! You should read it some time!"
They believed it and trust me, The Nature of Blood by Caryl Phillips is NOT a humorous book!
And again: "It's all in the eyes!" (it sounded like a cross between Gollum and the Terminator) yet this time, the woman attempted to seductively squint at her betrothed, pout and point to his eye and hers using her finger in a come hither "femme fatale" manner.
Again: I laughed, this time shamelessly because I could not believe this was happening on the train full of people. And of all the commuters in London, it had to be me.
So this "it's all in the eyes" charade went on for quite a while and by the time they got off the train, I think they finally clocked that they were the joke and not my book.
The man possessively seized his beloved damsel's hand, threw me a filthy look of contempt and marched off the train. Real diva style, Beyoncé would have been proud.
I looked out of the window as he stopped and scowled at me from the platform, I cheerily waved and smiled jubilantly as the train left.

Chayya 1 - 0 "It's all in the eyes"